Posts

Optimism

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Optimism really is great. Some may call it being delusional but I believe  it is a way of looking forward , past all the darkness, just hoping that one day you'll get to the light. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it sucks believing and working towards something to only have it fail in the end. But optimism motivates with the belief that things we'll get better. I am a dreamer and have always been a dreamer and I am optimistic that at the end of the day my dreams will come true. I may have a half working laptop but I will publish my book! I am in a pageant and I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to continue but I will see it through , injured ankle and all.  If I spent ny entire life worrying and crying about all that could go wrong, I will never try . And sure I have calculated all the possibilities of how everything could go wrong (I'm an overthinker that's what I do), but I'm hopeful.  If there is even a smidge of chance that it can go right , I'm go...

How to Cure Depression???????

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Hello dear readers, Sup?????????? How to cure depression? Welll rich people do therapy and shiii but I'm too poor for that so I just cry into my pillow and stuff😅.... Do I have cure for depression??? No 😔 ...unfortunately not ...I'm still suffering..... Is there a cure for feeling like shii.... Um...ion know ....sometimes I do .....sometimes I dont... And then I write  And eat chocolate  And cry Sometimes it helps  Sometimes it doesn't  And then I just stare into space pondering my existence and wondering what purpose is. And then I cry Sometimes I cry myself to sleep  But sometimes I'm happy And I'm not faking And it feels good. I don't have a cure for depression..frankly I would take advice if anyone wants to give it and you can like comment on this post or like you  can send your story via email at  tiffanyhltn@gmail.com...perhaps your story can inspire someone who is going through something similar.  To be honest I have been at a much worst ...

Succeding

Hello Dear readers, I haven't succeeded much in life. I have had the resilience,  determination,  heart but I haven't always had the resources. And that has been okay. Limited resources have made me crafty and lack of money has thought me to be frugal.  It however has not made me successful in a lot of aspects. It has not made me succeed in writing for to write you have got to be the best of the best and have all the resources needed to be a writer.  I have not succeeded in the social aspect of life because I have no money to go anywhere and frankly I am just weird 😅.  But it has been okay. I have cried. I have cursed. I have broken down but I have always gotten back up. Success would mean nothing without failure and with every attempt to try and better myself,  I find myself closer and closer towards my goal. Every failure breeds lessons to try something different.  I am not necessarily strong. I struggle.  I am still struggling and I wrestle wi...

Pageant training update

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 Hello my peeps, I'm just realizing my peeps may sound old. I promise it's just because I've watched a lot of early 2000s movie.. Anywho pageant update...I had my sashing today...Is my ankle still swollen?????..why yes it is....Did I power thru??? Yes I did. Perhaps I am speaking too much about my pageant experience and you guys might think I have forgotten my book ...I have not...I just don't have anything interesting going on in my life right now. I mean thats pretty sad...I don't go out...I do not meet new people...My life's pretty boring ....I suppose that's why i became a writer so i could feel my life with experiences I'd never had (Actually that's only one reason....there are so many reasons why I decided to take the risky path of becoming a writer) Anywho lovelies,  I hope this lil rant finds you well. And remember sometimes it's okay to take the risk. And at times you might detour but you will get back right on your path. Chocolate is th...

Approval

 I was a smart kid. I was the smartest in my class since grade 2 straight to grade 9. Then I had depression and spiraled. I still maintained a good average though. It just was not my best.   But anywho not the point. Because I was a smart kid, I was placed on a pedestal and every smart kid knows that once you're at the top you never go back down. Everyone was so proud of me , had big expectations and pretty soon, I  realized I craved approval. I liked people being proud of me. But the thing about wanting people's approval was that there was an insufferable amount of weight on your shoulders, because one wrong move and they could end up disappointed. I started to panic over the simplest of quizzes, there were nights when I could not sleep because I had a graded assignment to do and every grade mattered!. When it was time for the csec exams, it's an important exams at the end of highschool (and I had people telling me left and right that they knew I was going to pass a...

Unlucky

 I may just be the most unlucky girl in the world. My luck sucks. Hello there peeps,  welcome to another episode of Tiffany's life sucks. So if you have been following the story which I'm not sure many of you have but I started pageant training a few weeks ago and I suck at it. Probably going to lose. I only joined this because I wanted to earn some money to help with my book but I'm not any good at this modeling shii and being poised or whatever.  The sitch of this all is that if I discontinue  training I automatically have to pay 50000 jmd for the money the sponsors had paid. I don't have 50000 jmd . That's about 300 usd give or take a couple bucks.  I got into this gig to make money . I am broke !!!!! I don't have any money to pay back. So of course I'm going to continue; but.....but ....but as my rotten luck would have it  I got a freaking sprain and I can barely walk!!!. I have sashing on Monday and I'm going to be performing my talent. What am I t...

Mental instability

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I crash out a lot. Panic attacks , constant crying, screaming into a pillow , lack of appetite...shiii like that. My mental health has never been stable ever. I'm a walking time bomb because of my anxiety. I'm so far away from the definition of normal. Sometimes I feel like I'm running out of time. Like there is not enough time to do what it is needed to be done. I constantly overthink, overanalyse. I go over events in my head that have long passed . I go over conservations to see what I should have said and come to the realization what they meant. I predict conversations before they happen.  I've been told by someone that I am the weirdest person they have ever met and that hurt . I've always known I was weird and have accepted the fact that I was but to hear it from someone close to me was kinda.....  I don't really get close to people and I have always had a problem making friends so the few friends that I have, I hold on to them so tightly that I times feel ...